Aside from some take-home finals and tests and whatnot, one of the assignments for my Victorian Literature/19th Century Novel course is one two to three page paper. Two to three pages on a NINETEENTH CENTURY NOVEL? I’m seriously scared to death. How in the world is that possible? This is a travesty. I’m going to have to start writing this one immediately.

I just spent $75.00 on the Longman Anthology of British Literature II. My back hurts.

Conrad’s Heart of Darkness only takes up seventy-six pages of the Norton Critical Edition. The rest is criticism and commentary. The weight of which shall undoubtedly further damage my back this fall.

Whereas, Dickens’ Great Expectations takes up three hundred fifty-eight pages of seven hundred and forty-six. However, this seems reasonable. The Norton Critical Editions of Eliot’s Middlemarch and Hardy’s The Return of the Native are much the same.

In order to beat the obnoxious ‘freshman rush’, — as it were –,I went to the campus bookstore and purchased my textbooks for the semester. Three full bags. Upon slowing struggling half the distance to my car a middle-aged man approached me and asked me if I required help. He carried my books whilst we conversed upon transferring, graduating (he did seem impressed with changing majors four times, transfering three times, taking a semester off and only graduating a year late story — every time I tell it I start to feel like Barbara Streisand in What’s Up, Doc[(?)]), how-his-son-spent-seven-years-in-college-ended-up-with-three-majors-and-now-lives-in-Boulder, Colorado-works-three-days-a-week-and-skis-the-rest, and how I never let on to my parents that there’s not much one can do with an English major/history minor. As I opened my trunk I said something to the effect of, ‘I could always teach, I suppose.’ He said, Why that is what I do. I asked where and he said, Why here. Whereupon I raised an eyebrow and asked him which professor he was. W—–, he answered. (Yes, it’s not stylistic, dear and gentle reader that is not as Dear and Gentle as Mrs. Mosley, I honestly don’t remember his name, Wittgenstein surfaces in my head, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I had just purchased Wittgenstein On Rules and Private Language for a course on the Philosophy of Language.) I shook his hand and queried as to what classes he was teaching this semester, and named the courses I was taking. He’s teaching a senior seminar on ‘Criticism of the Novel’. Here on, dear and gentle reader that is not as Dear and Gentle as Mrs. Mosley, I shall refer to this Mr. W—- as Mr. Criticism on the Novel for clarity and brevity’s sake. We shook hands and I told him I was happy to make his acquaintance, he returning the formality before making his way out of the parking garage. J.M. Coetzee’s Disgrace has forever left me extremely wary of male professors (I do have a professor of sociology that stalks me at work, Louis from Portugal), especially of the English lit variety. However, I might add that I am unawares as to whether this be prudence or paranoia. Perhaps the two go hand-in-hand?

For the first time since freshman year (when I was given a free copy during orientation) I purchased a Gopher Guide. It would be tragedy to miss any important dates in the school-year calendar. It is of an utmost importance that I manage to graduate.

In six hours I have my first class of my last undergraduate semester. I reckon I should get some sleep.

I took my little sister to see the new Harry Potter today. Heh, it wasn’t bad.

The strangest thing I got for Christmas this year (and I got some really great things (down comforter!, lovely brooch!)) was from my mum: Ann Coulter’s Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right. Oddly, though I’ve never so much as mentioned her name to my mother, I often frequent her columns and regard her, if nothing else, as a really entertaining (and often hyperbolic) read, and a knee-jerk reactionary. I first encountered her this spring, when I went to see her speak at SIU’s law school. I was taking a speech/communications class at the time (to complete my general education requirements) and had an assignment to see a “real, live speaker.” This lady, from what the local paper had printed about her, sounded wacky enough. Here are some of the statements they quoted her as saying:

God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, “The earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.”

I think [women] should be armed but should not be [allowed to vote.]

If those kids [in Columnbine High School] had been carrying guns they would have gunned down this one [child] gunman. Don’t pray. Learn to use guns.

To say that Muhammad was a demon-possessed pedophile is not an attack, it’s a fact… Muhammad makes [Church of Scientology founder] L. Ron Hubbard look like Jesus Christ.

[From the column that resulted in her getting fired from The National Review] We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren’t punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That’s war. And this is war.

Her lecture was rather interesting; people ranging from just about anywhere on the political spectrum attended; some in support, some in protest. Miss Coulter’s appearance was the most odd, seemingly paradoxical spectacle of the entire evening: Woman about thirty, blonde, very tall, wearing mini-skirt and heels, legs tantamount to Barbie’s, railing away at the Left with her sharp, fluent, and inflammatory wit.

In the interest of killing two birds with one stone, I later did an “informative” speech on her, and concluded that people ought to cut her some slack, and realise that it’s only fair to let right-wing pundits make sarcastic and snide remarks. I pointed out that the right-wing didn’t react in outrage when the liberal-minded Mr. Cop Killer himself (Ice-T) came and spoke. Hostility overtook the facial expressions of my fellow students. It is no small wonder I made it out of the room alive.

I have no idea when I’ll be able to read this book. I’m not particularly interested in liberal lies about the American right. I’ve got more pressing fish to fry, so to speak.

I completely forgot that I had spring term registration today. I remembered just in time. Ended up chosing:

ENGL 3001W - Textual Investigation, Interpretation, and Analysis. (This is my second literary theory course, not sure why two are needed for the major.)

ENGL 3006W - Historical Survey of American Literature II. (I’m excited, was overexposed to early American literature in high school.)

ENGL 3007 - Shakespeare. (Shakespeare is Shakespeare, as we all know.)

HIST 3619 - Medieval History 1050-1500. (I’m currently finishing the first half of this course. I complete my history minor at the end of the semester, so taking this isn’t required, but I really fancied the course, and need to remain a full time student to retain health insurance.)